Back in Vegas
by Noa-Pearl
Summary: He’d been back for two days now. Two short days, and he already felt like he was home again. Leaving Las Vegas had been the hardest thing he’d ever done. When Gil Grissom had left Vegas, he’d left his heart in Vegas as well.
1. Chapter 1

**Back in Vegas. **

_Summary: He'd been back for two days now. Two short days, and he already felt like he was home again. Leaving Las Vegas had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. When Gil Grissom had left Vegas, he'd left his heart in Vegas as well. Gil had thought he'd done the right thing going after Sara Sidle. Sara loved him, and she had obviously been special to him as well. But his true love wasn't Sara. Deep down inside, he knew that. And now that he was back in Vegas, he realised his true love was the woman he'd been missing for an incredible long time.  
Note: Hi y'all, new story from me! I've been thinking about this story for a while now, and decided to put up the first chapter today. I hope you all like it, please let me know what you think of it. xx. _

**_1. _**

Gil's townhouse was filled with people that had been his friends for most of his life. Gil had been back for two days now, en his old team members had decided that it would be nice to meet up together and have fun. Even though Gil wasn't such a people person, he'd agreed to the proposition anyway. He hadn't seen all his friends for a very long time now. While he was standing in the kitchen, refilling his glass with water, he had perfect sight on every single one of them. He could see Nick Stokes and Warrick Brown leaning on one of the high tables he'd placed in his garden, both laughing about something that had probably just escaped from Greg Sanders mouth, who was standing next to them. He saw Jim Brass standing next to Sofia Curtis and Sara, probably discussing the new developments in Jim and Sofia's relationship. Gil had always known the two had a thing for each other; it was nice to see that both of them were finally happy. Something he was more surprised about was the couple that was standing at the other table next to Wendy Simms and David Hodges. That couple was Catherine Willows and Tony Vartann.

Gil kept observing Catherine and Tony while taking sips from his water. He could've known that Catherine would've found someone. After all, she was gorgeous, inside and outside. But he could feel the green monster washing over him; he was jealous. He knew he didn't have the right to be jealous. He was the one who'd left to be with Sara. But he missed Catherine more than he'd ever thought he would. He knew he would miss her when he was gone; she'd been his best friend for more than twenty years after all. But he'd missed more about her than he should've missed. He knew that.

And now she was standing there, so close to him, yet further away than he'd ever thought was possible. He felt jealousy when he saw Vartann's hand resting on her butt, and when he saw how Catherine was leaning into his body. Catherine looked incredible. The little black dress she was wearing complimented all her best body parts. At the moment he saw Catherine's face move in the direction of Vartann's, his sight was blocked by a certain brunette, that was standing in front of him. A loving smile escaped from her lips before she said: "You're glad to be back?"

Gil turned his eyes to the brown eyes that were looking at him and faked a smile when he said: "Actually, I am. It's been such a long time since I've seen them."

Sara nodded. "I know." She gave him a quick peck on his lips before walking into the kitchen. Gil followed her with her eyes. He know he was eventually going to hurt Sara. He also knew she didn't deserve that. He knew Sara loved him. And, when he'd left Vegas to go to Sara, he has been convinced he truly loved Sara as well. But the strawberry blonde that was currently in the same room as he was affected him in a way no other woman ever could. He loved that woman more than he could ever love another woman. Gil knew that he wasn't being fair to Sara. Hurting Sara was probably the most horrible thing he'd ever been doing in his life. But he knew that eventually he would.

Gil followed Sara to the kitchen and said: "Hey, do you mind if I ask Cath to stay here a little longer so we can talk.. It's just.. It's been such a long time since.. Well, you know."

Gil felt guilty when he saw Sara's understanding eyes when she nodded and said: "Of course, that's fine. I'll just get back to my own apartment, I understand you two have things to talk about."

Gil smiled and cupper her cheeks before he whispered: "Thank you. I appreciate that." He watched the brunette walk away again, and he knew he was being a total jerk to her. But he needed to be with Catherine alone.

*

Gil had convinced Catherine to stay and talk a little more together. Catherine walked with Tony to their car though. As soon as they stood at the side of the black SUV, Tony said: "So.. How are you planning on getting home?" His hand reached out to one of her strawberry blonde curls, and Catherine couldn't help but smile as she answered: "I don't know. I'll ask Grissom if he wants to bring me, I guess." Tony put his hand on the car so he had Catherine pinned up against it and bend his head so it was closer to Catherine's before he whispered: "Call me if you need me. I can think of some other things we can do afterwards.." Catherine chuckled and kissed him. When they broke the kiss, she said: "You'll hear it. Love you." "Love you too."

As Catherine walked back to Gil's house, all she could think about was the fact that Gil was actually back. She hadn't seen him for such a long time. It had been hard on her, running the lab without Gil. It had been harder though to live her life without him; she'd loved Gil for such a long time. It had taken a lot of time before she'd been ready to accept that he truly loved Sara and that she had to move on with her life. It had been hard. Catherine had been convinced there wasn't a man she could love more than she loved Gil. Thank God for letting her run into Tony Vartann outside of work. Meeting with Tony outside of work had been the best thing that had happened to her. Not only was he an attractive man that could make her forget about Gil. Well, maybe he'd been the first couple of times they had met. But soon, she realised that he was not just an attractive man; he was extremely kind, he was actually good with Lindsey, he was there to help her and listen to her, he was even there to comfort her when she was crying.. And, not unimportant either, the sex with him was more than incredible. She loved Tony. And he loved her.

Catherine turned around to wave at the man sitting in the black SUV before walking back inside of Gil's townhouse, thinking of how nice it was to have her best friend back in Vegas.

_Note: Liked it? x. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Note: Hi all, thanks for the sweet reviews! I'm glad you liked it. Next chapter's here, hope you enjoy it! x._

**2.**

As soon as Catherine was inside his townhouse again, she let herself fall down on Gil's couch and looked around. She heard Gil in his kitchen and assumed he was fixing them some drinks. The house still looked the same. The same stuff, same photographs… It was as if he'd been there every single day the last year instead of being away. She noticed that the photograph of a six-year-old Lindsey, Gil and herself was still hanging above his television. She remembered that afternoon quite good; she'd been on his doorstep the evening before after Eddie had given her a blue eye as a gift for Valentine's Day instead of a normal present. She'd slept at Gil's place with Lindsey, and the day after, Gil had taken them to the park. Lindsey had been having so much fun; she loved hanging around with her uncle Gil. Catherine smiled while she was reminiscing that afternoon. That hád been a good day.

When Gil entered his living room again, he saw Catherine staring at the picture above the television with a smile on her face. He remembered that afternoon as if it was yesterday. He liked the fact that Catherine remembered it too. Gil knew he needed to tell her what he felt. Tonight. He walked over to the couch and sat down next to Catherine before he said: "That day was nice, wasn't it?"

Catherine turned her face so she could face him and nodded with a smile before she said: "It was. She's growing up so fast…"

Gil handed her a glass, and after Catherine took her first sip, she smiled again and said: "Screwdriver. It's been a while since I've been drinking that."

Gil smiled a small smile and started drinking as well. Catherine was the one and only one he shared Screwdrivers with. For a moment, he felt as if he was twenty-five again. As if he'd just met Catherine, and they had breakfast after she'd finished her shift in the French Palace. That breakfast included Screwdrivers at least three times a week. He missed those days.

"How long are you staying here, Gil?" Catherine's question surprised him. He had to admit that the subject of staying in Vegas hadn't even been on his mind yet. But now that he'd seen her again, Gil knew he would never be able to leave this town again without her.

"I'm not sure. I'm thinking of finding a job here, teaching at UNLV perhaps. I'm not sure I want to leave again, I… I don't know if I can."

Catherine smiled. "Well, I'm glad your back. I missed you. We all missed you."

"I missed you too. How have you been, Catherine? I'm… I'm sorry I haven't emailed you back that often, I.."

Catherine interrupted him with a soft smack on his shoulders and said: "You emailed me back only once, mister. But you're forgiven. I know you've been busy, with your work and everything, and I understand spending time with Sara was far more important than emailing me." She smiled and continued. "It's okay, really. Don't apologize."

Gil shrugged and said: "But I am sorry. It wasn't very nice of me. You're still my best friend."

Catherine smiled. "Well, that's nice to know. And in case you're interested, you're still my best friend too," she said with a wink.

*

Three Screwdrivers later, Gil finally dared to ask her the question he'd wanted to ask her all night. "So, you and Vartann, huh? When did that happen?"

Unfortunately for Gil, Catherine's eyes start to light up at the drop of his name. She smiled and took the last sip of her drink before she started talking. "Yeah, me and Tony. We ran into each other after work, it's kind of cliché actually. I had a faulty tire, and he helped me fix it. I offered him coffee to thank him afterwards, and, well, I guess that's were it started. One thing led to the other, and now we're here.."

The smile that was plastered on her face was inevitable. No matter how bad Grissom wanted her to secretly not love Tony, he could tell she did. The look on her face when she talked about him said everything. He couldn't hide the sadness in his voice when he said: "I'm happy for you, Cath."

The sadness in Gil's voice when he said that to her was noticed by Catherine. She tried to look at his eyes, but his were desperately avoiding hers. Catherine hated to see him sad. Then she whispered: "You don't sound too happy for me."

Gil only shrugged and smiled. He was starting to doubt his plans of telling her how he felt. When he dared to let his eyes meet Catherine's, he saw she was staring. She looked into his eyes as if she would be able to see through him if she just kept staring long enough. Gil hated that stare; he knew she would be able to see through him eventually. Catherine suddenly said: "You are happy, right? You and Sara?"

Catherine could tell she'd hit the nail on the spot with the question she'd just asked. She saw the change of the look on his face as soon as she had said those words. "Gil, what's going on? You two aren't having problems, are you?" Catherine could see he was battling the words that he wanted to get out of his mouth. She placed her hand on his and said: "You know you can tell me, right?" Catherine felt him getting tense when their bodies connected, and she suddenly felt a little afraid of what he was going to say.

As soon as Catherine's hand touch his, he felt a shiver going through his body. He knew she'd felt it as well, it wasn't possible she'd missed that. Gil's feelings were running through his body, all his emotions were running circles around his brain. He didn't know what to do. A couple of hours ago he had been sure that he was going to tell Catherine that it was her he loved. But he suddenly wasn't so sure anymore. Catherine's worried eyes looked at him, and he knew he had to tell her. But he felt terrible. He knew he was ruining so many things if he told her about his feelings. His relationship with Sara, her relationship with Tony, their friendship and his dignity were probably on the line as well.

Gil cleared his throat before saying: "Cath, it's complicated. I'm not sure if I should tell you this."

"You can tell me anything, you know that right?" She hold his hand firmly, waiting patiently for him to answer her question.

Gil closed his eyes briefly before he said: "Catherine, I really don't know if I should tell you this. It could change everything in my life, in your life." Catherine didn't encourage him. She just sat there, looking in his eyes, waiting for him to make a decision; tell her what he wanted to tell or dismiss the entire conversation and talk over the subject.

Gil looked into Catherine's eyes and he immediately knew why he loved her so much, how much he'd missed her and how much he needed her. He decided that actions would probably speak louder than words. Perhaps the alcohol did that a little bit for him as well. He moved himself closer to her. She didn't back away from him. He moved his head closer to hers, never losing the connection he had with her eyes. The moment he brushed his lips on hers, he felt like he was in heaven. The softness of her lips, the taste of her mouth.. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Catherine didn't back off as soon as Gil's lips hit hers. She was surprised, and that was an understatement. She was confused as hell. Gil's lips touching hers was something she'd been longing for so long. Until she had met Tony. But now Gil was sitting in front of her, kissing her. And it felt perfect. Absolutely perfect. When she felt herself deepen the kiss, Tony flashed through her mind. And then Sara flashed through her mind. And that was the moment she pushed Gil away from her.

Confusion was spread all over Catherine's face as Gil opened his eyes and heard her say: "I'm sorry, I.. This is wrong. I.. I go. I'll get a cab, or something."

Gil watched the object of his affection get out of his house as soon as possible. And then he realised that he'd probably done the most stupid thing he could've ever done.

_Note: And that was chapter two! Hope you liked it, please let me know! x. _


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

As soon as Catherine got into the cab, away from Gil, she tried her best not to cry. In her mind, the last fifteen minutes were playing over and over again. Gil had kissed her. And she had kissed him back. There were so many thoughts running through her head. She loved Tony. But she'd always loved Gil. And now he'd kissed her. But Gil was with Sara. And she was with Tony. And that was the part where Catherine got confused. They were supposed to love other people, they were supposed to kiss other people. Not each other. Perhaps it was the alcohol, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she was confused as hell. And that she wasn't having a clue of what she was supposed to do.

Catherine didn't realise she was heading for Tony's house until she was actually in front of it. Instead of telling the cabdriver to head for her own house, she just paid him and walked to the front door of Tony's house. She searched for the key in her purse, and opened the door as quietly as possible. She threw out her heels, hung up her coat and put her purse on the couch. Catherine walked upstairs to the bathroom, putting on the lights and locking its door automatically. She got a little frightened when she looked at herself in the mirror. Her porcelain skin looked whiter than usual, as if she'd just seen a ghost. Her blue eyes were dark and dull. She looked terrible. She slowly changed from her dress to her nighty. Catherine wanted to get Gil out of her mind desperately, but it simple wasn't happening.

When Catherine walked into the bedroom, she could her the soft snores coming out of the bed. It felt somewhat comforting to hear them; they were familiar. Her body slid into bed, feeling the warmth of Tony's body next to her. She desperately tried to focus her on him instead of Gil, but again, it wasn't happening. She prayed Tony would stay asleep, but he didn't. He turned around to face her and opened his eyes. He yawned before saying: "Hey! Had a good time?"

All Catherine could do was nod and smile. Tony's hand reached out and caressed her cheek with his thumb before leaning in and kissing her. "Goodnight, honey." "Goodnight, Tony."

Catherine knew her words were nothing more than soft whispers, but Tony was half asleep anyway. She turned her head so she was facing the wall instead of Tony. She was thinking. Thinking about Gil. Tony. Sara. Herself. She was thinking about love. And the most stupid thing was that Gil was on her mind the entire time until she finally fell asleep.

*

Gil woke up early that next morning. He'd been sleeping horrible. After every hour he woke up again, the image of Catherine clearly in his vision every single time. His actions from the night before had been stupid. Incredibly stupid. The first thing Gil wanted to do that day, was talk to Catherine. He needed to see and talk to her. A little voice in the back of his head said that he had to go see Sara as well. He tried to push that away though, even though he knew that talking to Sara was one of the most important things he had to do.

Catherine woke up that same morning from someone caressing her face. When her eyes fluttered open, she saw it was Tony, sitting on her side of the bed, fully-dressed and just looking at her. "Hey sleepy head, I'm glad you're awake."

Tony talked softly and never stopped caressing her skin. Catherine felt a slight headache coming up, and the events of the night before were still living in her head. She tried to push them away though, and concentrate on the gorgeous man sitting next to her. She yawned and said: "Hey. You're already dressed."

Tony nodded and smiled. "Yeah. It's almost ten, I have that meeting with the chief, remember?" Catherine chuckled and said: "Right." She sat up so she was at the same level as Tony was and said: "I guess I'll see you tonight then?" Tony shrugged and said: "I hope that meeting won't take very long, but I'm not sure. I'll call you, okay?" Catherine nodded.

Tony lend in and kissed her. His lips felt so comforting, so warm and so good. Yet, they felt strange to Catherine. After he broke the kiss, Tony said: "I'm going, I'll call you." Catherine smiled, and Tony got up. "I love you." Tony's words sounded so sincere, and Catherine couldn't do anything but saying: "I love you too." As soon as he'd left the bedroom though, tears felt down Catherine's cheek. She hated Gil for doing what he'd done the night before. But most of all, she hated herself for doubting her feelings for Tony after one simple kiss from Gil.

About an hour later, Catherine was searching through Tony's fridge, trying to find some kind of breakfast she liked. Unfortunately, all he seemed to have were cereals, milk and smelly sausages. She could tell he'd been spending more time at her place that at his own. Catherine sighed; she figured she would go pick up breakfast somewhere else.

*

As soon as Gil walked into the small diner he and Catherine used to have breakfast so often after shift, he spotted the strawberry blonde in front of the counter. He could recognize that back from miles away. He wasn't sure what to do; he'd wanted to call Catherine to see her, but he hadn't thought he would see her that soon, without any preparation. He was not sure how Catherine would react towards him. He knew she loved Tony. But she hád kissed him back. And he had felt the way her body had reacted to him; that wasn't a reaction from a woman who didn't care about a man. He walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder when he said: "Hey, Cath."

Catherine got a scare from the sudden hand on her shoulder, but managed to relax as soon as she heard the voice behind her. She couldn't prevent herself from hissing: "Jesus, Gil, don't do that again!"

Grissom smiled a little sheepishly when he said: "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Picking up breakfast?"

Catherine nodded. "Yeah, there was nothing in the fridge so I decided to just pick up something. So are you, aren't you?"

Gil nodded. For a split moment, everything seemed like it used to be; they felt comfortable, normal, as if nothing had happened. There was silence for a moment while Catherine waited for her food, until Catherine started to talk. "I… I guess… I have to go. I have to go do stuff at home and I have to work later and I have so much to do and…" Catherine knew she was rambling.

Gil noticed that too and said: "Catherine, relax. You're rambling."

"I know." At that moment, Catherine's food came and she wanted to get out of the diner as soon as possible. She didn't know what to do or what to see, and she didn't even dare to look into Gil's eyes. He made her look though when he grabbed her hand and said: "Cath… Can we have breakfast? Please. We need to talk."

"I know. I.. I just don't really want to."

"But we should. Please, I.. I won't do anything, I just.. We need to talk."

Catherine could tell Gil was desperate. And she could see in his eyes he was sincere. And beside that, she knew she would never be able to say no to the man that was standing in front of her. She simply couldn't. "Okay," she softly said, "we have breakfast. My place?"

_Note: That was it for now, hope you enjoyed it. Sorry for the lack of conversation in this chapter, just really felt like I should explain feelings before I could continue with a good conversation. Nevertheless, I hope you liked it! I would really appreciate it if you'd let me know if you did, so please hit that button.. xx. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Note: Just wanted to say thanks again for those who reviewed/subscribed my story to the alert-list. It means so much to me, I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy this! xx. _

**4.**

Catherine was glad Gil was driving in his own car to her place. She wasn't sure what was going to happen between them or what he was going to tell her. God, she wasn't even sure what she was going to tell him. She was cursing herself for not knowing how she felt; it made things even more complicated.

The uncomfortable silence that was present as soon as Gil and Catherine sat down around Catherine's kitchen with their food in front of them was undeniable. It was Catherine who finally said the first words, though they mostly came out of her mouth because she was annoyed with the situation. "Gil, this is ridiculous. We're being ridiculous. We've been friends for so long, we're supposed to talk about these things, aren't we?"

Gil slowly nodded and looked in Catherine's blue eyes. "I guess we should. I'm just not sure what to say."

Their eyes locked and Catherine answered: "Just begin at the beginning. I…. I thought you were happy. Just.. Just begin at the start. You left Vegas to be with Sara. Then what happened?"

Gil sighed. "Catherine, it's not that easy. I'm.. You know I'm no good with words."

She smiled and simply said: "Give it a try."

Gil knew Catherine was the only one who could convince him to even try to put his emotions into words. He sighed again and stayed quiet for a while, thinking of where to begin. After a minute or so, he started talking. "I left Vegas because I felt like my work here was done. You and I both knew that at some point, I wouldn't be satisfied anymore with my job. I guess that point was there, and that was why I left. The fact that I could be with Sara again made the decision easier as well.. Sara loved me and I can honestly say that I love Sara as well. But I've always known that I wouldn't be able to give her the amount of love she deserves. I… I have this feeling that she knows that as well, but I guess we both settled for less."

Gil paused for a while, and realised that Catherine's eyes had never left his face while he'd been looking staring at the while during his talk. She didn't look uncomfortable anymore. She was just listening, trying to understand, and patiently waited for him to continue. Gil scraped his throat a little bit before continuing.

"We lived a pretty good life, Sara and I. We both did things we enjoyed, we enjoyed each other's company… It was good the way it was, but there was always this feeling inside me that said that something was missing.. I've tried to push that away for a very long time though. I never thought I'd be back in Vegas again. Not because I didn't miss this place or the people, because I did. A lot, actually. But I figured that if I would go back, I would confirm for myself that I had made the wrong decision when I had left. But not returning here wasn't an option. Sara missed this place, and I eventually started missing Las Vegas as well. But the day that I came back, I knew that I'd made the worst decision ever when I had left Vegas."

Gil could almost see a question mark appear above Catherine's head; she obviously didn't quite understand what he was talking about. Or perhaps she just didn't want to understand what he was talking about. Gil knew he was pouring his heart out; something he usually didn't do. But he felt comfortable, he felt safe. He knew he was with Catherine. And he knew that he now had to say the most important thing of all.

"As soon as I saw you again, I knew I'd made a huge mistake. Catherine, I… I don't know how to say this." Gil started to snap shut. His eyes locked with Catherine, and there were so many things he could read in them. Encouragement was one of them. Catherine didn't need to say a word to make that clear to him.

"Cath, I think, no, I know, there's someone I love more than I love Sara. Someone I love more than I could ever love another woman. And that is you. And I guess I should've told you that about twenty years ago, because honestly, I loved you since the day I met you. But I was scared, I'm still scared.. I'm scared that a woman like you will never love a man like me. And I guess that's why I settled for someone I loved less; I just figured the woman I loved would never love me the way I loved her. But I.. I just can't pretend to not feel anything for you. When I saw you with Vartann last night… I was extremely jealous. A man who loves his wife shouldn't be jealous of his best friend finding a good man. But I was jealous, and I still am. I love you. I've always loved you, and I don't think I will ever stop loving you."

Gil felt relieved after all the emotions that had been inside of him for so long had been revealed. But the thing he was afraid of, was Catherine's answer. She hadn't said a word ever since he'd started talking, nor had she touched her food. All she'd done the entire time was looking at him. Catherine felt proud of Gil for telling her how he felt. Showing emotions had never been his best feature, yet he'd been able to tell her perfectly how he felt. It was overwhelming. Gil loved her. Their eyes remained locked when Catherine whispered: "That was a good try in describing your emotions. A very good try."

Gil smiled. "I tried my best."

Catherine nodded, not sure what to say. She bit her lip, thinking of the right way to answer to the huge amount of information he had given her in the last few minutes. The things he'd just told her were pure, honest. She could feel it. She just wished he'd told her those things about ten years ago. Catherine knew what to do if she would follow her heart. But her head told her to take another direction. A part of her wanted to fly into Gil's arms and not think about anything or anyone else in the world. But another part of her felt loyalty and love for Tony.

Catherine sighed and said: "I guess there's only one way to answer to everything you've just told me."

_Note: Hope Gil's share of feelings wasn't too out of character.. But I figured it fit in place, and besides, Gil trusts Catherine ;-). I stop babbling things now, just hope you liked this chapter, and hope you've got a little bit energy left to hit that button down there.. xx. _


	5. Chapter 5

_Note: Hi all, I wanted to update sooner but that stupid document manager wasn't working or something.. Anyway, here it is! Hope you enjoy! xx._

**5.**

Catherine sighed again. She was the one who was supposed to be good with words, yet she wasn't sure how to begin. There were so many words running through her mind. She ran a hand through her hair and said: "Look, Gil, this is hard."

A somewhat ironic smile spread across Gil's face when he answered: "Says the one who's good in talking."

Catherine smiled a little bit and took a deep breath. "Well, just.. Just let me finish talking, okay?"

Gil nodded, and waited for Catherine to talk.

"I, well, I'll just start from the beginning. The very beginning. When I met you for the very first time, God, I felt as if the earth stopped moving. There was something about you.. It was indescribable. It still is. We got to know each other, and you honestly have no idea how many times I've wished I wasn't seeing Eddie. We became best friends, and I figured that was the best I could get. Even after Eddie died, I just… I guess I just thought that men like you don't date women like me. Men like you don't date a woman who's been a stripper, who's been addicted to drugs… We were friends, best friends, and I liked that. Because I enjoyed being with you. Throughout the years, we've done so many things together, so many breakfast, so many laughs.. Things were good. And then… Well, then we just.. I don't know, after I started dating Chris I just felt like we were drifting away from each other. We weren't how we used to be."

Catherine paused for a while. Gil understood what she was saying; he'd felt that exact same thing. After Catherine had been switched to days, their contact had been so much different. He hadn't liked it. Yet, he hadn't had the guts to change something about it. He'd thought things would resolve themselves. But obviously, they hadn't.

"At a certain point, I thought things were going better again. We were talking more, hanging out more often.. And then I.. Well, everyone, found out about you and Sara. I know it's not fair of me to say this since I've been seeing other people as well, but I felt so.. I don't know, I felt so betrayed, in some way. I'd never thought you and Sara would get together, never. I didn't see that coming at all. But I figured that she made you happy. And then you left Vegas to go to her. You left your job, your house… You left me. So I figured I just wasn't important enough. And, well.. You were gone, you didn't email me back, you never called. My life didn't stop when you left me though. Things happened.. Tony happened. We just ran into each other after work, both having our own things to worry about. We understood each other. I started falling in love with him, he started falling in love with me… Things were good. Perfect, and to be honest, you started to vanish a little bit. You were always in the back of my head, but I started to accept that you would never be back. I accepted that you loving me the way I loved you was something that would only happen in dreams. But then you came back. I thought I could handle that. And I thought I was doing pretty well at your party. You and Sara seemed happy, and I was happy to have someone like Tony who loved me. But then you kissed me, and now my head is filled with confusion and, well, it's mostly filled with you. I don't know what I want, or what I'm supposed to do. Things are suddenly so complicated.."

There was silence for a while, and Gil figured Catherine had finished talking. He suddenly felt so guilty for coming back. She had been fine without him, she'd enjoyed her life. And now he was back, making both their lives extremely complicated. "I'm sorry."

Catherine shrugged and looked at the table instead of Gil's eyes. "Don't be. I just…I wished this had happened sooner. Like, fifteen years ago." An somewhat ironic smile spread across her face for a split second before the sadness overruled again.

Gil tried to make eye-contact, but Catherine seemed to think the table looked very interesting. "We can still try, Catherine. It's not too late."

Catherine finally looked up again and Gil could tell she was having a hard time. Her slightly wet eyes confirmed it. Her voice was strong though when she said: "It is. Gil, I can't do that. I… I love Tony. I can't just leave him because you suddenly decided that you love me more than you could ever love anyone else."

Gil could tell she was upset, and he couldn't blame her for that. "Cath, please, I.. It's hard for me too, but.. I just can't continue living like this."

Catherine sighed and looked at Gil. She could tell he felt bad for what was happening. She could also tell that he truly loved her. But she couldn't leave Tony. "I.. I can't Gil. I can't leave Tony, I love him."

"But you love me too."

Catherine looked into Gil's eyes and all she truly wanted was fall in his arms and kiss him. Love him. But she couldn't do that to Tony or Sara. She loved Tony. She honestly, truly, loved Tony. She got out of her chair and said: "It doesn't matter, Gil. You… You should go. Go and see Sara, or something. I have to do… stuff."

She walked away from the table, praying Gil would just follow her and leave. But that wasn't going to happen. Gil's hand grabbed hers and he made her turn around. His voice was soft when he said: "I love you, Catherine. You love me. We can make things work. We can make us work. Please."

"Gil, go. Please, just go. This is bad enough already without you begging."

Gil looked at the woman in front of him. She was almost crying. Catherine Willows didn't cry. Gil knew he had to leave. He didn't want to give up on her, but he knew he should leave. He let go of Catherine's hand and whispered: "I love you," before walking away.

As soon as Catherine heard the door hit and knew it was closed, she rested her head against the wall. Tears slowly started to fall down her cheek. This had been hard. Her head told her she'd made the right decision. Her heart was currently breaking into pieces though. Her heart told her she'd done the most stupid thing ever.

Suddenly, she heard her phone ring. She knew it was Tony. Instead of answering, she just let it ring. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She wished Gil hadn't come back. She wished he hadn't told her all those things he had.

_Note: And that was it for now! It's getting complicated, huh ;-)! Hope you liked, please let me know. That button might be small, but it sure is there.. I'd love you for clicking it! xx. _


	6. Chapter 6

_Note: Hi all, an update, finally! Sorry for taking so long, I've been so darn busy with school.. Please enjoy! xx._

**6.**

Catherine was late for work that evening. She had spent a lot of that afternoon crying, something she hadn't done for such a long time. It had taken her ages and a lot of make-up to look a little bit like her normal self. There were only two cases that evening, and she decided to put Nick on one and Greg on another, and do paperwork herself. She wasn't in the mood for dead people. She felt terrible. That feeling grew even bigger when she saw Tony standing in front of her office. Catherine knew she loved him. But those butterflies she usually had when she saw him weren't there. And she knew who was the blame for that.

Tony's sincere smile when he saw her was one of the things she loved about him. She smiled back, knowing that her smile wasn't as sincere as his. "Hey honey." "Hey." Catherine unlocked the door of her office to let both of them in before saying anything else. Tony closed the door behind him and said: "I've called you a couple of times this afternoon. Is there something wrong?"

Catherine couldn't handle looking into Tony's concerning, gorgeous eyes and pretended to search something on her desk as she said: "I'm sorry, I went back to bed and picked up some groceries and I forgot to take my phone. Just thirty minutes before shift started I heard your message. I figured I would see you here." It surprised her how easily that lie had come flying out of her mouth.

She felt him standing behind her and then felt his hands dropping on her shoulders. Seconds after that, she realised he was gently massaging her shoulders. "You're so tense." Tony's voice wasn't more than a whisper, close to her ear. She felt her body getting relaxed again. Gil was slowly vanishing from her mind when she heard Tony say: "I missed you today. I've been waiting to see you."

Catherine chuckled when she felt Tony's lips in her neck and asked: "Why?"

"Because I wanted to do this." He wrapped an arm around her waist and slowly spun her around so his lips could meet hers. Tony gently forced Catherine's body closer to his, his arms still around her waist while their kiss became deeper. Catherine's hand tugged at the collar of Tony's suit, drawing him closer to her. Those butterflies she'd missed when she saw him standing in front of her office, were filling her belly again. Tony's hands started messing with the blouse she was wearing when he'd decided he wanted to feel her skin. He quickly pulled her blouse out of her pants and his hands started roaming over Catherine's soft skin. He moved his lips to her neck again; he knew that was Catherine's weak spot. She couldn't suppress a soft moan when he did that and whispered: "Tony, we have to work, you know."

Tony made some noise that probably meant 'yes', but didn't stop kissing her. His hands caressed her bare skin and Catherine knew they had to stop now, before things would get out of hand. "That means we have to stop doing this." "I know." He stopped kissing her neck and looked in her eyes before kissing her sweetly on her lips one last time. Tony gave her a smile and said: "I'll meet you after shift, okay?" Catherine nodded. "I love you, Catherine." "I love you too."

And then Tony was gone. While Catherine gathered the things she needed to hand out that night's assignments, she realised she had meant what she'd said to Tony. She loved him. But a little voice in her head kept saying that this wasn't what she truly wanted. She pushed them away for the thousandth time since Gil got back, and decided to hand out that night's cases.

Meanwhile, Gil and Sara were having a quiet night at Grissom's townhouse. They were both sitting on the couch, watching a documentary on Discovery Channel. Gil realised the lack of contact they were having; they were both sitting on one side of the couch, their bodies not even slightly touching. With a glass of red wine in his hand, he kept his eyes on Sara, who had only eyes for the documentary. She looked like she always looked. Her dark brown hair was loosely falling over her shoulders, her pretty brown eyes were showing no signs of any make up and she was wearing a pair of jeans with a simple black t-shirt. She was Sara. Gil immediately remembered why he loved Sara; she was like him. But was he really in love with her? He knew the answer to that was negative. He suddenly heard her voice, and looked up to meet her eyes: "Gil, you're okay?"

He answered with a simple shrug and said: "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sara showed him a small smile and said: "Well, you've been staring at me for the last couple of minutes."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Gil obviously knew he'd been staring at her. He just hadn't realised that Sara had noticed that as well.

Her smile grew a little bigger as she said: "Don't be sorry. I don't mind you looking at me."

Gil couldn't do anything but answer her smile with one of his, and she seemed satisfied with that since she turned her eyes to the screen again. So did Gil. He knew he had to talk to Sara soon. He loved Sara. But not in the way a man was supposed to love his wife. Gil couldn't understand why he'd ever believed he had loved her in the right way. He almost let a loud sigh escape. He could prevent that though. But he was ashamed to admit that, the rest of the night, a beautiful redhead who was currently working at the Las Vegas crime lab, had been on his mind.

*

Catherine was exhausted around the time she was allowed to clock out. Tony had left the building already, with the promise that breakfast would be ready as soon as she would arrive. She looked around her office. The amount of photographs in it was pretty high. Two of her and Lindsey together; in one of them Lindsey was six, the other one had been taken about a year ago. One of their entire team, before everything had started to change. One of her and Tony; that one was only a week old. It was the newest one in her office. Finally, she looked at the last photo in her office. It was an old one as well; it was one from her, Lindsey and Gil. That picture reminded her of the past. A past in which everything had been so much easier. Catherine sighed out loud. She knew she had to leave the office to go to Tony's place. But seeing Gil's face on that picture made her think of Gil again. At the beginning of her shift, she'd been certain she loved Tony. But now, she was doubting that love all over again. And that doubt came out of something as simple as an old photograph.

_Note: Hope you all liked it, please let me know! Criticism's always welcome, as long as it's constructive! xx. _


	7. Chapter 7

_NoteL Hi all, sorry for the delay! Have been pretty busy with school last week, but here's the 7th chapter, FINALLY ;-)! Enjoy, xx. _

**7.**

Catherine gave Tony one more light kiss on his lips before walking back to her SUV. She was positive he had known something was wrong with her that morning, she could tell that bye the looks on his face. He hadn't said a word though; he had just kissed her goodbye, told her he would call her later that day and had let her go. He hadn't asked her why she didn't want to stay and sleep at his place. A small but sad smile curved Catherine's lips when she realised that Tony was patient enough to wait until she was ready to talk. She sighed when she closed the door of her car, thinking about how good Tony was. She felt guilty for being so distant. She couldn't help though that Gil was constantly running around in her mind. Ever since the end of her shift, she had been thinking about Gil. And no matter how much she loved Tony, she realised that Gil had been on her mind constantly ever since he'd been back.

Tony watched the woman he loved leave his house. Ever since Gil had been back, she'd been distant. A smile washed over his face when he thought about the times Catherine had quickly grabbed his arm and dragged him into her office for a quick but satisfying make-out session. He wanted to know what was going on. He watched the black SUV drive away, knowing that he probably wouldn't see Catherine until that night. He kept staring into space while he thought about Catherine. He had known Catherine for quite some years now, and he had to admit that he'd always been attracted by her. Who wasn't? The months they'd spent together had been amazing. But now, Tony had that sudden feeling that there was something wrong. Something that couldn't be fixed easily.

Instead of going home, Catherine started driving aimless through Las Vegas. Eventually, she found herself in front of a very familiar townhouse. She knew Gil was inside; his car was parked in front of the house. She wasn't sure why she was there, though she was sure it wasn't the smartest thing to do. Nevertheless, she got out of her SUV and walked up to the door. She knocked on the door and after a couple of seconds, a very surprised Gil opened the door. "Hey."

Catherine smiled and answered: "Hey. You're alone?"

Gil nodded and stepped aside so she could get in. He wasn't sure why she was there, but she didn't look mad. She didn't even look upset. He watched her walk into his living room, and Gil couldn't help but notice how good she looked. The way her jeans fitted perfectly, the way she looked in her leather jacket. He closed the door behind her and walked into the living room as well, were he found her on his couch. He sat down next to her and said: "I didn't expect to see you."

She shrugged and said: "I didn't expect myself to be here either. My car drove me this way though."

A small smile appeared on Gil's face. "So, you're here for no special reason?"

Catherine looked at Gil and saw the way he looked at her. It made her shiver. She knew she was so wrong, but she moved a little closer to him. She licked her lips, watching Gil's while she did. Catherine moved her head closer to his and whispered: "I don't know why I'm here. I don't know what I'm feeling. And I certainly don't know what I'm doing."

Gil looked at her, and waited for what would come. He knew what was going to come. He just wanted to make sure he wasn't sleeping. As soon as her lips crashed on his, he let his hands rest on her back and pulled her closer to him. Her hands roamed under his shirt, her soft hands colliding with his bare back. Gil deepened the kiss, their tongues duelling while Catherine threw her jacket out. Catherine moved herself again so she was able to sit on Gil's lap. She moaned softly when she felt Gil's hand on the skin of her back. She broke their kiss for a second and looked at Gil's face. His eyes fluttered open as soon as her lips left his, and Catherine could see the desire in his eyes. She saw love as well.

Catherine's hands rested on his shoulders while his were around her waist when Gil whispered: "You know where this is heading, don't you?" Catherine nodded, but didn't say a word. Gil lifted his hand up and cupped her left cheek when he continued: "You're sure about this?" For a split second, Tony flashed through her mind. Catherine knew she would hurt him. She knew he loved her. She knew she loved him. But Gil was sitting in front of her, kissing her, loving her. She'd always loved him. And she knew she would never stop loving him. She didn't answer his Gil's question. Instead, she lend in and kissed him again.

*

Later that afternoon, they were still laying in Gil's bed. Their legs were entangled in the sheets and Catherine's head rested on Gil's chest while he gently stroke her hair. They hadn't said a word about Sara or Tony. But Catherine knew that that would be happening some time soon. She started to feel guilty. She hated herself for being so contradictory. "You're feeling guilty, aren't you?"

Catherine almost smiled when she heard Gil's statement. "It's as if you're a mind reader, mister Grissom." She moved her body so she could face Gil and whispered: "I'm not being fair. Not to Tony, not to you, not even to myself. I don't know what I want."

Gil stroke her arm and answered: "I think you know what you want. I think you're just afraid to admit that to yourself."

Catherine thought about his words for a while. Perhaps he was right. She looked into his eyes and said: "You're a smart man. But… Have you talked to Sara.. About what you said to me a couple of days ago?"

Gil shook his head. "I'm going to though." He held her hand and stroke her thumb when he said: "No matter what you decide, I know I can't stay with Sara. I don't deserve the way she loves me, because I know I can never love her the way I love you."

He kissed her forehead and Catherine whispered: "I love you too. I… I just need some time to think. To figure out what I need to do. I'm sorry."

Gil pulled her closer to him and kissed her before he said: "I'm here. Just remember that I'm here."

_Note: And that was it again. I hope you all enjoyed it, please let me know! xx._


	8. Chapter 8

_Note: Hi, sorry for the delay. I'm just so busy with school -again- and I have such little time to write. Finally finished this chapter though. Please enjoy! xx. _

**8.**

Catherine left Gil's house that afternoon about an hour before her shift would start. She drove home so she could take a shower and change into another pair of clothes. Her mind was constantly drifting off to Gil and Tony. She knew she loved Gil. The things that had happened that morning made it very clear to her that living without Gil was something she couldn't possibly do any longer than she already had. But hurting Tony would be so hard. She knew she would hurt him eventually. She sighed when she got out of her SUV and in to her house. Telling Tony about everything would be terrible.

Meanwhile, Gil was still laying in bed. He could still smell Catherine's scent. Gil moved himself so his head rested on the pillow Catherine had been laying not too long ago. He knew Sara would probably be at his place in an hour. He also knew that he had a lot of explaining to do, and, most of all, he knew that he was going to hurt her more than anyone could ever could hurt her. But telling Sara about his true feelings would be best for both of them. Gil was sure about that.

When Sara stepped into Gil's townhouse that evening, she found the man she loved laying on the couch with his eyes closed, and the soft tunes of classic music filled the living room. She looked at him for a couple of seconds; he looked so cute. Gil suddenly opened his eyes, and seemed a little disorientated until he saw her standing a couple of feet away from him.

"Hey. I didn't hear you come in." Gil sat up straight immediately and turned the music down.

Sara smiled and dropped her purse on a chair near the dining table before walking to the couch. She sat down next to Grissom and said: "I bet you didn't. You looked kinda cute, you know?" She lend in to kiss Gil's lips, and she was surprised when Gil put his hand on her shoulder and said: "We.. Well," he cleared his troth before finally continuing, "I… I think we need to talk."

Sara looked surprised when she answered: "About what?"

Gil shrugged and said: "Well, I guess I need to talk to you."

Sara noticed the determination and somewhat guilty look that was on Gil's face when he looked into her eyes, and she suddenly started to get the feeling that something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Sara, I.. I just want you to know that this has nothing to do with you… It's all my fault, and I know I'm probably going to hurt you, but continuing living the way we are right now isn't an option for me. And it's not fair to you."

Sara's eyes turned a little darker than usual when she firmly said: "Gil, what on earth are you talking about?"

Gil was almost afraid to look into her eyes when he said: "I'm sorry, Sara. But I…. Don't think that I don't love you, because I do. I just.. I know I can never give you all the love you deserve. I can't give you all that love, because… There's someone else, Sara. I guess there's always been someone else. I was always too afraid to admit that though. But I can't continue to pretend that she's not around."

Gil stopped talking and looked at Sara, who was gapping at him as if he was talking Chinese. She then suddenly closed her mouth again, and Gil was almost thinking that she wasn't going to say a thing. But then she started talking. "I'm not sure that I understand what you are saying." She laughed ironically before she continued. "Because I have this strange idea that you're telling me that you want to break up with me.

Sara looked at Gil as if he was making a joke, but all he could do was shrug and he said: "I'm sorry, Sara. I really am."

Sara got up from the couch and walked to the chair where her bag was. She couldn't believe with Gil had told her. He loved someone else? Who could he possibly love more than her? He hadn't been seeing any other woman than her for an extremely long time now. She was already reaching for the doorknob to leave the townhouse when Sara realised something. She turned around again and marched back into the living room, where Gil was sitting, his eyes closed and his fingers rubbing his temples. "It's Catherine, isn't it?"

Gil opened his eyes again and looked straight into Sara's dark, angry eyes. "Excuse me?"

Sara almost stamped with her feet as a six-year old that wasn't allowed any candy when she almost yelled: "I said, it's Catherine, isn't it? You love Catherine, don't you?"

Gil gave her a sad smile and said: "Does it really matter who it is, Sara?"

"God, you're such a man, Gil!" Sara threw her hands in the air while she said that, and then continued. "What makes her so much better than me? Seriously, what is it? Because I certainly don't get why you're able to love an ex-stripper. Besides, she's taken!" Sara was yelling when she reached the end of her sentence.

"Sara, that's enough! Please, just go." Gil got up from the couch as well. He felt migraine coming up. He wanted to walk to the kitchen and grab his medication, but Sara blocked his way. Tears were forming in her eyes.

"Gil, please. I love you. Don't do this. Please."

Gil looked into the eyes of the brunette as he said: "I'm sorry. You should go, Sara. If there are any of your things laying here I'll put them in a box and bring them over tomorrow."

Those were the last words Gil said to Sara before going to the kitchen and grabbing his pills. He then walked out of the living room and headed for his bedroom. A stunned Sara looked after him, with tears silently falling from her face.

*

That night, Catherine was halfway through her shift when she heard her cell phone beep. Her night had been pretty hectic; every single person on the grave shift had his or her own case; it seemed as if dead had washed over Las Vegas that evening. Despite being busy, she was too curious to not look at her cell phone. She opened the message, and saw it was from Gil. _I told her. Can you meet me after your shift? I love you. x. _

_Note: And now what.. Is she going to see Gil? Or is she going to be a smart woman and be on her own for a little while? I'll tell you all a little secret... I'm still not sure ;-).  
I hope you enjoyed it again, please let me know! It only takes a minute to hit that button below and tell me wether you liked it or not! xxx._


	9. Chapter 9

_Note: Hi all, thanks again for the sweet reviews! Sorry it took me so long to update, I'm way too busy lately! Anyway, here's a new chapter, enjoy! _**_xx._**

**9.**

Catherine read the message and closed her cell without answering. She continued sorting out the evidence she had collected at her crime scene, while thinking about Gil's message. He had told Sara he loved her. And now she was supposed to make a move. To either tell Tony she loved Gil or tell Gil that she loved Tony more. She knew she wasn't able to do that though. Choosing between Tony and Gil was like choosing between water and food; it was impossible.

A few hours later, Catherine's eyes were fixated on the clock in her office. She was supposed to be doing paperwork. She hadn't finished a single paper though. Her shift would be finished in less than fifteen minutes. She knew Gil would be waiting for her, or at least looking out for a message or phone call. Catherine wanted to call Gil. She wanted to see Gil, and she wanted to kiss him. She grabbed her cell phone and started playing with its buttons. Would she text him back and tell him that she would be at his place in thirty minutes? Or would it be smarter to just go home and sleep? Catherine stopped playing with her cell phone and opened Gil's message. At that moment though, Tony walked into her office. Instead of greeting her first, he just looked her door and gave her a cute, boyish smile. Catherine quickly put her cell phone in one of the tills from her desk before looking into his eyes. She couldn't help but smile; he looked too cute.

Catherine got out of her chair and said: "And to what do I owe this pleasant visit, detective Vartann?"

A smirk appeared on Tony's face before he said: "Well, miss Willows, I had the idea that we were supposed to take care of some unfinished business."

Catherine raised an eyebrow with a smile before stepping closer to Tony. No matter how confused she was, and how torn she was between Tony and Gil, she couldn't resist the gorgeous man in front of her. Not when he was being that cute, sweet and handsome. "Unfinished business, huh? I don't think I can remember that business you're talking about."

"You want me to show that to you?" Tony took a step forward and put his hand around Catherine's waist, pushing her closer to him.

A little hum was the only thing that escaped from Catherine's lips before Tony's hungry mouth attacked hers. Her hands rested on his shoulders while she pressed her body against his.

Tony's hands moved to her butt and Catherine couldn't help but smile when she felt his hand gently squeeze it. She suddenly felt her legs hit her desk and she moved herself so she was able to sit on her desk. She wrapped her legs around Tony's waist and pulled him closer, both still kissing each other as if there was no tomorrow. Gil was nowhere to be found in Catherine's mind; at this point, he seemed nothing more than a vague memory. It seemed as if Gil had never returned to Vegas. This was how she and Tony had been before Gil's return; unexpected, excited and fun.

Tony moved his lips to Catherine's neck and Catherine couldn't avoid a moan. It pleased Tony that he could make Catherine feel like that. It washed away all the doubts he had had the last couple of days about his relationship with Catherine. She was his woman. His hands slowly moved to the button's of her pants.

Catherine knew what was going to happen as soon as she felt Tony's hand on her stomach, trying to unbutton the button of her pants. She didn't complain. She didn't complain at all.

*

Almost forty five minutes after both their shifts had ended, Tony and Catherine walked out of Catherine's office. While Catherine locked her office and grabbed her purse to put the key in it, she spotted her cell phone. She then realised something; she hadn't answered to Gil's message at all. She caught up with Tony, who was standing at the information desk, chatting with Judy, while flipping her cell phone open. Four missed calls, three voicemails and two text messages.

"You want to grab some breakfast together?" Catherine almost jumped when she suddenly heard Tony's voice right behind her ear. She quickly closed her cell and turned her face to him. While the two walked out of the building, she said: "I'm sorry, I've got some things to do." Catherine could see his disappointed face and quickly added: "But you can come over tonight, than we can have a quick dinner together if you like?"

Tony smiled and said: "I'd like that." He walked her to her car and gave her a kiss before saying goodbye. Catherine then got in her car, and saw Tony waving before he walked to his own car.

Instead of leaving the parking lot immediately, Catherine opened Gil's text message. The first one said: _You've read my last message? Call me. x, _and the second simply said: _Call me. _She then listened to her voicemail messages, which were all pretty much the same; call me, I want to see you.

Catherine sighed. She felt terrible. She'd just had incredible sex with Tony, but all she truly wanted to do now was go over to Gil's place. She was having an affair. She was doing the same thing Eddie had done to her years ago. She knew how much it hurt to find out the person you loved was having an affair. And despite the knowledge of how it was to find out the person you loved was cheating on you, she drove herself to Gil's townhouse.

When Gil opened the door of his townhouse and found Catherine standing in his doorstep, he let out a breath he'd been holding. "God, Cath, I thought something had happened to you!"

Catherine got inside and closed the door with her foot when she said: "I'm sorry."

She didn't give him another explanation. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Gil was somewhat surprised by Catherine's attack to his lips, but didn't complain. He became a little suspicious though when he thought he felt something wet against his cheek. When he opened his eyes and pulled away from Catherine for a minute, he saw tears were streaming down her face. Gil grabbed her hand and gently pulled her towards the couch and made her sit down.

Catherine felt Gil's soft thumb wiping her tears away, but it didn't make her feel less terrible. She couldn't stop crying when she whispered: "Gil, I'm a horrible person."

"Don't say that, what makes you think you are?"

Catherine tried to calm down. It wasn't working though. "I.. I'm cheating on Tony. And I'm cheating on you. In some kind of strange way. You've left Sara for me, and I know how much you love me. And.. I love you too. But.. God, I'm terrible."

Gil's blue eyes pierced right through hers, and he softly said: "Nothing can make you a terrible person."

An ironic laugh escaped from Catherine's lips before she said: "Oh, believe me, I am. For God's sake Gil, here I am, sitting at your couch, wanting to be with you, kiss you, love you. And an hour ago I was having sex with Tony. How can that not make me a terrible person?!"

_Note: I know, I know, kinda crazy place to end this chapter. But if I hadn't, this chapter would've been twice as long ;-)! Hope you enjoyed it, please let me know.. That little button's supposed to be under here somewhere.. xx.!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Note: Hi all, next update! xx. _

**10.**

Catherine could see the change in Gil's eyes as soon as the words had left her mouth. She knew he hadn't expected that. Not that long ago she'd told him she needed time to think. Thinking didn't include having sex.

Gil got up from the couch and rubbed his temples. He knew that what was going on between him and Catherine wasn't exactly an ideal relationship. Gil knew Catherine loved Tony. If she hadn't, things probably wouldn't be so complicated. But Gil thought Catherine wanted time to think. To think about life, him, Vartann… To think about herself. He hadn't thought that making love included in the thinking as well. He turned around to see Catherine was still sitting on the couch, her hands in her lap and her red eyes fixated on him.

Gil scraped his throat and said: "I thought you needed time to think."

Catherine bit her lip before she finally said: "I did. I still do. It's just… God, I'm so confused. Tony has been so great to me. He is the one who… Who helped me to forget you, Gil. He loves me. He takes care of me. I love him too." Catherine paused, trying to find the right words to continue. Gil started talking first, though.

He sounded somewhat bitter when he said: "If it's him you love so much, then why are you here?"

Catherine got up as well and walked to Gil. He didn't push her away when she grabbed his hand and said: "I'm here because I don't think there's a man in this world that I love more than I love you. But… You're pretty high on the list of men who hurt me as well. Tony has never hurt me. He hasn't done anything to deserve the treatment I'm currently giving him."

Gil sighed after Catherine's little speech and than said: "You know that I'll wait for you. Just… Don't make things even more complicated. Just think."

Catherine bit her lip again while she nodded and let go of Gil's hand. She grabbed her purse and said: "I will. I'll call you."

Gil gave her a small smile and said: "You do that."

Catherine nodded and looked at Gil one last time before leaving his house. She slowly walked back to her car. Once she'd opened the door and settled herself in her seat, she leaned back into the seat and closed her eyes briefly. She needed to talk to Tony. Catherine knew she loved him. But she also knew that she didn't love him enough. Gil was the only man she could give her heart to completely. And no matter how much it would hurt both her and Tony, she knew she had to be honest to him. He deserved that. He deserved someone better than her. Catherine opened her eyes again and, after a deep sigh, she started driving to Tony's house.

*

Meanwhile, a surprised Tony was sitting on his couch, looking into the dark brown eyes of a former colleague of him. He could tell she was angry. He could also tell that she was sad. But what he couldn't tell was the reason of her visit. The two of them had always been able to get along just fine as colleagues, but that had been it. He curiously looked up to her, but the woman didn't start talking. That was why Tony said: "So, Sara… I didn't expect to see you here. What brings you here?"

"I'm sorry that I'm here in the first place. I know you need your sleep, I just.. I need to tell you something."

Sara could tell Tony was simply waiting for her to continue. Deep in her heart, Sara knew that she wasn't in the place to tell Tony what she was about to tell him. Especially not since she wasn't even sure that it was actually Catherine Gil was in love with. But her anger was stronger than her knowledge, and that was what had brought her to Tony's house in the first place. She took a final breath before she started talking.

"Gil broke up with me last night."

She paused after that sentence, and Tony figured she needed him to say something. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Sara nodded and continued. "He.. He told me he was in love with someone else. Well, actually, he said that he'd always been in love with someone else. Which basically meant that the whole relationship between me and him was one big lie. Anyway… He said that he couldn't continue lying to himself about how much he loved her. When I asked him who the woman was, he didn't answer. And.. Well, that was when I took a guess. He didn't confirm it. But… I could see in his eyes that I was right."

Sara stopped talking, wondering what Tony would say. She was surprised when he simply answered: "I'm very sorry for you, Sara, but what does that got to do with me?"

Sara started feeling bad for Tony. The man wasn't having a clue. "I.. I'm sorry to say this, but… It's Catherine. He loves Catherine."

It stung Tony to hear that out of someone else's mouth. He'd suspected that for some time now, but to actually hear that from Sara made it a little worse. He didn't want Sara to notice that though. That was why he simply stated: "Well, that's too bad for him. Catherine's with me."

Sara shook her head and said: "I hope so for you. I just… I wonder why Grissom suddenly broke up with me. He said he's been in love with her for years. Why would he suddenly break up with me after all that time?"

Tony knew where Sara was heading for and got up from the couch while he said: "Sara, I think you should go."

Sara nodded and got up as well. "I'll let myself out. I didn't want to upset you. I just figured you needed to know this."

"Just… Just leave, Sara." Tony turned away from the brunette and walked to the fridge while Sara walked to the door. As soon as she opened it, she came eye to eye with the redhead she'd been talking about just seconds ago. Sara could tell Catherine was shocked to see her there.

"Sara… What… What are you doing here?"

Sara shrugged and said: "I just came around to tell Tony something. Nothing you don't know." She wanted to leave after her comment, but Catherine blocked her way.

"What have you told him?"

Sara gave her a glare, and only said: "You'll find out." Sara was then able to get Catherine to step away and let her through. The redhead watched Sara walk to her car, and suddenly, Catherine felt a big lump in her throat. She had the idea that Sara hadn't been at Tony's place for a pleasant visit.

_Note: So, what did you think of it? Liked it, hated it? Thanks for reading, and please let me know wether you liked it or not, I do appreciate every single review that's written! xxx. _


	11. Chapter 11

_Note: Hi guys, next update! I'm so gonna be late for work, but I really wanted to finish this chapter and post it.. Please, enjoy! x. _

**11.**

Tony could hear the clicking of Catherine's heels on his parquet. He could recognize her walk from miles away. The fact that he smelled her sweet scent confirmed it. The clicking stopped and he knew that she was standing not too far behind. Tony didn't dare to look around though. He was afraid of what he would see in her eyes; he was positive that Catherine had run into Sara on her way in, and he also knew that Sara must've made some comment. He could hear Catherine's breaths getting heavier.

Meanwhile, Catherine realised that Sara must had said something that wasn't too good. She was sure that Tony knew that she was standing behind him, and the fact that he didn't turn around scared her. She knew she had to start talking. She took a deep breath, but she simply didn't have the guts to start talking. A couple of deep breaths later, she finally found the courage and said: "Tony… What… What was Sara doing here?"

Tony finally turned around, and Catherine could tell that he wasn't too pleased with the things Sara had said. He had a dull glance in his eyes when he said: "What do you think she was here for?"

Catherine bit her lip. "I… I think we should talk."

"You think?" Tony's raised eyebrow and sarcasm almost made Catherine smile. She loved it when he did that during interrogations with suspects. She knew he was being sarcastic because he was insecure this time though, and she silently cursed herself for not being honest to him.

"Let's sit down." Catherine made an attempt to walk to the couch, but Tony didn't make a move. She looked over her shoulder and said: "Please?"

Tony finally walked over and sat down on the couch, while Catherine sat down next to him. Tony could smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo, and he could smell the perfume she was wearing as well. He'd given her that not too long ago. Tony looked into Catherine's eyes and saw the sadness in the icy blue eyes. Tony could tell she was having a hard time. He wasn't able to be too busy with that though; he was too afraid of what she was going to say. He was afraid that Sara was right.

Catherine knew she had to tell him about Gil. Now. She was nervously picking at the sleeves of her t-shirt when she said: "I don't know what Sara told you… I.. I came here because I had to tell you something. I want you to know that I never wanted this to go this way.. And I feel terrible for not telling you sooner. I should've told you sooner, but things were so complicated…" Catherine paused for a second to look at Tony. Catherine knew Tony didn't cry. She had never seen him cry. He was pretty close to doing so though.

Catherine had just started talking, and Tony could already feel himself getting emotional. He had never cried over a woman. Never. He knew that Catherine was able to break his heart though. And he was very positive that she was going to do that know. He felt Catherine's eyes on him, but he kept looking at his legs. When he felt Catherine's hand on his though, he looked up and said: "Please… Just, continue..," before pulling his hand back.

Catherine bit her lip and nodded. "I…I guess I should start at the beginning. You know that Gil and I have been best friends for a very long time. We've always been very close. I guess I never realised how much he meant to me until he started doing the things he usually did with me with Sara. I've… I've always liked Gil. I actually think that I loved him the first time I saw him. I was married to Eddie back then though, and Gil.. Well, I figured that I wasn't his type of woman. Anyway, to make this short… I settled for being Gil's best friend, things were fine… And then he left. That was probably one of the worst moments in my life. I was glad that he'd found someone he loved, I really was. But losing him… It made me realise how much I needed him around. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have that right. We slowly started to get a little less contact, and then I met you. Well, I met you in another way than we used to meet. You have to believe me when I say that everything that has happened since then has been incredible. You've made me so happy, and I had this feeling that we could stay that way forever. And then Gil came back. I thought I could handle that, I mean, I was with you and I was convinced that you were the right man for me. But.. I guess that Gil affects me more than any other man can. No matter how much I wish that he couldn't. I love him. And no matter how much I wish I could love you more than I can love him, I know that that's impossible. I've always loved Gil, and.. I guess I always will. I'm… I'm sorry for not telling you sooner about this. I was just so… Overwhelmed. I never thought that this would happen. Never. I'm so sorry…"

Tony could hear in Catherine's voice that she was about to cry. He didn't look up to meet her eyes though. He was overwhelmed by all the words she'd said. He loved her so much. And after everything that she'd told him, he knew he still wouldn't be able to not love her. He knew he would never stop loving her. He was still processing all the words she'd said. Catherine didn't give him too much time for that though. With a soft voice, she added: "I guess it's not worth that much, but… I do love you, Tony. I guess that love alone just isn't enough. I really, really am sorry."

Tony finally looked at Catherine's face and found a pair of wet eyes staring back at his. There was so much he wanted to say, but there wasn't a single word able to escape from his lips. That was obvious for Catherine as well. It hurt her, to see Tony sitting next to her like this. She felt terrible. "If you want, I'll leave. I understand if you want me to go…" Tony still didn't respond, and Catherine stood up.

When Tony realised that Catherine wanted to go, he got up as well and reached for her arm. "Catherine, wait…" She turned around again and her blue eyes met his. They were both aware of how close they were to the other, and Tony whispered: "Are you sure that this is what you want? Because I… I love you." Tony knew it was a stupid argument. He also knew that Catherine had made a decision. But he needed to hear her say it.

Catherine impulsively put her hand on Tony's cheek and wiped away a couple of tears that fell from his eyes. Tony knew it would be the last time that he would feel her hand on his face. The last time that he would be able to smell her scent from that close. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Their eyes locked one more time, and Catherine knew it was time to leave. She let her hand drop down again and freed her other hand from Tony's grip. She tried to whisper a soft goodbye, but only air came out of her mouth. She then walked away.

Tony looked after her when she walked through his door. He wished he would've been able to yell at her. Be mad at her. Angry at her. He wished that he'd been able to at least say something back to her. But as soon as he knew that Catherine was out of his house, he felt the urge to just lay down in his bed and never wake up again. Catherine would never come back to him. Never.

_Note: Liked it, hated it? This was so hard to write, especially because I do love Catherine and Vartann together. Hope I didn't screw it up too bad, please let me know what you think of it! xxx. _


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